Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Day 1

So about how I was going to do that 30 day challenge on posting just... well, because I wanted to/because I need a vaguely more intellectual exercise everyday than reading on the train (note to self: Start reading Shakespeare & Chekhov on train).

Lateness notwithstanding, as promised (to, um, myself - I have no delusions of internet stardom), post number one of the 30 day challenge.

Your current relationship status - if single, discuss your single life.

I've been putting this off in part from laziness, but mostly because I've been looking for an adequate way to describe my single life that is in no way bitter, self-pitying, or involves the phrase "it sucks." I am reeeeasonably sure that I can accomplish the first two, but as to the third, my single life, frankly, sucks.

I have been described in the past, rather uncharitably but also not wrongly, as too independent for my own good. I make friends easily, and I trust easily, but always to a point*. I am, I will admit, somewhat reluctant to let people in and the idea of having to fully depend on other people is something I have trouble accepting either practically (because I'm a control freak) or emotionally. This is something my last boyfriend, who for anonymity's sake we will name HSB2, found... annoying, to put it mildly, throughout the course of our 8 month relationship and subsequent period of... involvement ("It's complicated," as Facebook would call it).

*This in no way insinuates that I am a loner with no friends. I have lots of friends, many of whom are close friends whom I trust completely. Besides, if you're reading this the chances are you ARE my friend, so rest assured, you pretty much know my life. Moving on.

So you can imagine then, that I am not the type of girl who easily says the following: I. Want. A. Boyfriend. [Cue Carrie Bradshaw voiceover: "There it was. The phrase single, independent women in their [twenties] were never supposed to think, let alone say out loud."]

HSB2 and I broke up (discounting the aforementioned involvement period) - well, suffice it to say it was a long time ago. So I know from where I speak on singlehood. And there are aspects of being single for which I can vouch entirely: the, ahem, afforded opportunities for fun, never having to feel guilty for not having enough time for your relationship, the ability to know who you are as yourself rather than as part of a couple, spending less money, even.

I don't think, however, I need to list all the benefits to having a boyfriend, and all of those things are sounding really damn good to me right now. It would be nice - really really really nice, in fact - to have someone in my life to fill the boyfriend-shaped hole. Let's not forget, even "ultimate single girl" Carrie Bradshaw ends up living happily ever after with Big.

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