Things I should be doing right now:
- IPAing/rehearsing my German accent for tomorrow
- Learning music for Cleftos
- Emailing Cleftos about how the practicum show is ruining my sanity but how I intend to at least attempt to mitigate the situation
- Continuing my relentless pursuit of having a good and theatrically productive summer
- Memorizing my lines for 5 Women Wearing the Same Dress
- Reading for my Thursday class
- Compiling a mental checklist of things to do for my Wednesday classes
- Finding some new music for my voice lesson tomorrow
- Figuring out how I'm going to pay for said voice lesson
Things I am doing right now:
- Updating this blog
- Shopping for shoes on the internet
- Watching Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations
- Contemplating sleeping
This spring break, I returned to New York feeling surprisingly re-charged and well energized. I had things to look forward to, you see; despite how insanely packed my calendar is right now, I in truth am never happier than when I am severely over booked. Now, more on that later, because this is backfiring on me in a big way right now, but the end half of this semester felt more to me like a new semester than it did in January. The nasty catch 22 of this, however, is that after spring break all of New York is engulfed in the slow transformation of the nasty gray disgustingness of winter into a more hopeful, peaceful, sun-drenched time of year.
In someone who recently returned from California, this does not inspire healthy work ethic. This inspires senioritis of the worst kind out of someone who has recently come to fully embrace the fact that she's graduating.
Nonetheless, I am trying to surmount these project lists with a certain amount of enthusiasm, despite the fact that my human inability to be in two places at once is currently making me feel like a complete asshole. I have a show, I have a concert, I have a job, and I am graduating. But the fact of the matter is, the more the work piles up and the obligations make themselves clear to me and 5 hours or less becomes increasingly standard in terms of my definition of "adequate" sleep, I feel bitterly that spring break should have been earlier in the semester, when my burnout ACTUALLY hit rather than juuuust after I had reached the point of feeling that I had learned to live with it. Instead it peaked when the weather got good on both my coasts and all I wanted was to lay on the beach in California for like eight more days.
Especially, and even more strangely, when I can't figure out WHY I feel so inadequate about my handling of my responsibilities. To speak of the plain and simple facts, I'm getting it ll done. And mostly to a degree with which I am satisfied. And yet something nags. Gnaws. Must figure out how to overcome this.