Bonus points to anybody who can identify the quote. Double bonus points to anybody who can do it WITHOUT calling out what a colossal nerd I am.
Nonetheless, it's pretty apt to me lately - nothing's really wrong with my life, but here, a month out from graduation, I find myself dissatisfied. Antsy. Restless. Filled once again with an... existential angst, of sorts. I know what it is this time - I need to get myself in gear, I need to be acting, I need to be doing something that I care about as opposed to working a zillion hours a week at office jobs that matter to me, in truth, very little.
But I think it's good kinda. That I know that this restlessness, this fear of stagnancy is because I'm not doing what I care about. I just worry that the reason I'm not pursuing it at present is that age old failure insulation, protective laziness - if I fail, or in this case simply don't succeed (yes. different.), because I'm lazy, it's not as bad as failing because I can't do it.
I'm thinking about going home. I'm thinking about vacation. I'm torn each day between plain, simple, euphoric bursts of love for New York and an overwhelming desire to hail a cab and get to JFK and fly far away.
I'm torn between a desire to have too much fun (and believe me, as of late I've been doing extremely well at having a lot of fun - something I intend to continue with to the very, very, VERY best of my ability) and a desire to be busy and overloaded. I just... I am faced with one of those times where I simply don't know what's coming next, and so despite the to-do lists that I make and the projects that I set for myself, the same restlessness continues, like the proverbial itch I can't scratch.
Believe me. There will be interesting consequence. Stay tuned.
[Double believe me. There will be more fun had to compensate. To balance it out I'll put in more time at the gym. Where I did not go today. Whoops.]